The Changes, They Keep on Changing

So many things have happened over the course of 1 year.  It's almost hard to keep up.  And I guess if I really think about it, it isn't the number of changes, but the magnitude of those changes.

My last post was about my mom dying.  I'm not sure I have really processed this yet.  I have a feeling this Christmas is going to hit pretty hard.  Last year I didn't really do much for Christmas at all.  I also think it is going to take some time before I can really dive into Christmas again.  I vacillate between not wanting to do anything for the holiday anymore and wanting to honor her in some way by celebrating substantially.  I figure over the course of a few years, this will work it's way out.

I have also switched jobs.  The shop I was at closed, rather unexpectedly last year.  This was the first time I had to deal with being unemployed on someone else's terms.  Actually, this is only the second time I have been unemployed since I started working.  The first being when I moved to the twin cities.  The timing seemed to be perfect because of my mom so I decided to take a bit of a sabbatical over the winter.  I spent a couple months on my parent's ranch, helping out my step-father as he transitioned to being alone and aiding in some of the chores that I didn't think would get done anytime soon and a lot of the day-to-day chores too.

Two very good friends of mine and I opened a new bike shop in Minneapolis.  It has been a very hard year gearing up inventory and building displays and creating work space and learning new customers and a new way of doing business.  We started with all kinds of new ways of doing things, so the learning has been nonstop.  Non of us has ever been a part of a brand new store, but we all have bike shop experience.  At times, I don't know if that has hurt or helped.  Most likely a fair amount of both.  But it has been very rewarding and it has always felt extremely liberating to not be pigeon-holed into an exact way of doing things.  We have evolved as we understand our business and are understanding more and more how each other works best and how to best move the business forward.

Now that the season is beginning to wind down, I am again thinking of taking a leave of absence.  I have to balance not wanting to be a drain on the money side of things vs. making us more ready for next season.  There are still a voluminous amount of details to take care of before we are ready to accept the hordes of customers that happen every spring in the cities.  Constantly a work in progress.  

To top it off, I am also going through a divorce.  After 16 years, my wife and I are no longer in a husband/wife relationship.  We are at the point where we want very different things and cannot figure out a way to be a couple.  So for the last month we have been fixing our house and recently put it up for sale.  It is one of the weirdest things to do all this work that we talked about doing just to give it to someone else.  We considered having one of us buy out the other but we are hoping it is worth more than either of us can afford.

Which is also why I feel a leave of absence is a good idea.  If I no longer have a place to live (fingers crossed), it is a fantastic time to regroup.  Clear my head of how my life has been, and move on to a new way.  Change my perspective of how life is, to how I want it to be.  I only get one chance at this, I need to make it good.