Work and Play

Love them cows.

Reading back through the last couple posts I have made, I can't say with absolute certainty that I am clearing my head.  This trip has certainly been fantastic in a number of ways.  It also has caused me to spiral deeply into thoughts about what I really want to do with my life, where I want to be (physically and emotionally), and the things that are most important.  In some perspectives, my head is much more clear, but it certainly has muddied the waters from others.

For us, calving is just starting to happen.  We had our first calf a few days ago and the rest are most likely going to let loose next week.  Not that we have a lot of cows to calve, but for a city boy, it is enough work to keep me on heightened alert.  My stepfather also has to be gone for a few days next week so it is going to test my ranching ability to care for these beings on my own.  For the most part, they really do take care of themselves but I am going to take credit for being more of a rancher than I ever have been.  Actually, I already do.  This year my stepfather has had quite the range of medical issues so for a long time I have been taking care of most of the ranching duties.  One of the things I decided last year is that I am not a rancher.  This year, that mentality is a bit muddled.

The perils of winter driving.

The most troublesome bit of being out here is that I have not ridden a bicycle for quite some time.  It turns out that with winter being a bit more prevalent this year, it has taken a bit off of the desire to push through the cold.  I can't exactly explain it.  What it feels like is that there is such a different mentality when I am out here, as if I am a bit stepping outside of my own person.  That allows me to see my life from a different perspective and hopefully gain insight and better understanding of what I truly want.  But it also means that I am a slightly different person which results in changing my daily habits and even my hobbies and interests.  Out here, I am wanting to work outside and I am energized by shoveling snow, chopping wood, and hauling hay.  It seems to fit better than riding my bike.  There is also the unfortunate location of house to trail which requires driving to ride.  Something I have never enjoyed and try to minimize at all costs.

Seriously, would you pet me already?

 But for all the confusion this trip may cause, I know it has been exactly what I need.  I am so very fortunate to have had the ability to come out these past two winters.  I am not sure how I will ever be able to do this again, but if there is a way, I will certainly try.  I truly love all the animals we have, even when it is an annoying horse that will not leave me alone.  There are times I am this close to these creatures and I think of scrapping everything and seeing about being a vet tech or the like.  I don't believe I want to be as dedicated as a veterinarian, but an assistant, I might be able to be good with that.  Sometimes I think of my mid 40 age and think it is too late to try something so different and new.  And other times, I figure I still have another 20+ years of work, why not bite off a completely new career?  Only time will tell what.

My stepfather asked me today if I was anxious to return to MN.  I had to answer that I am.  Of course I am.  My hands are becoming restless and crave repairing bikes.  I am also excited to break in the new year at the bike shop.  I'm not sure I am prepared for the rush of springtime that will await me so soon after I return, but there is also a part of me that desires that workload.  Being able to push my body in the quantity and duration of work is obviously something that I am not only ok with, but something that I desire.  For as much as it seems I sit around and don't do much, I definitely enjoy being busy to being bored.  I need to remind myself of this come mid April when I am pulling my hair out because of the workload.