Why I Ride a Bike: Reason #4

Feeling like a badass

I don't often feel this way.  And it isn't something I seek, but there is no denying that riding a bike all year in this environment can make one feel this way.  Coming off the winter months and reading back through my blog, this realization struck me.  I hope people that are in contact with me do not think I have much of an ego, but we all do.  There is always a need to feed that in some form.  Riding is a way I feed that part of me.

I believe the reason this feeling came to my conscience is not only due to me not owning an automobile right now, but also an email I received from one of my customers.  He mentioned seeing my name on the Trans Iowa registration.  Now, this event does not make me feel like a badass as I have never come anywhere close to completing it.  But it does remind me of one of my only "training" rides.  Anyone who knows me knows I do not train.  I ride my bike.  But when I was preparing for Trans Iowa a number of years back, I knew I had to ride outside my normal routine in order to have a chance at it.  This took me to riding roughly one hundred miles one Saturday, in March, maybe 40 degrees, in a wonderfully windy drizzle.  I think back on that ride with great fondness.  It is one thing to ride through town to work in conditions like that.  But to choose to do that and have fun doing it, well, that is a very different thing.  And I did have fun.  I'm not sure why, but it felt great.  Maybe it is more being mental than badass.

But I will continue to ride.  Finding random things along the road, giggling (to myself and out loud), and inflating my ego with all the badassery I can muster. 

Settling In

Back to the city life.  I came back to St Paul 2 weeks ago.  I feel so very fortunate that I didn't have to struggle to find living arrangements.  Not only did I find a place before I even returned, but I only had to spend one evening bunking with others before sleeping in my own bed.  While I would have enjoyed spending time with friends and family, I still have an ingrained mentality of intruding while staying with others.  This thought process is lessening, but it is still prevalent and would have set me a touch on edge for the month I was prepared to have to deal with it.

Better to look at than listen to

While having my own place is excellent, it also is freaking me out trying to figure out what to do with all the crap I own.  People who ever entered my basement know I have a lot of stuff.  Seriously, a LOT of stuff.  As I look over the bins and bins and bins of bicycle parts and accessories, I question what on earth I was thinking when I was accumulating all these bits and pieces.  I do not remember my own family being anything like me but there does seem to be a bit of the hoarding gene that runs deep in my roots.  When I see places littered with trinkets and collectables, my anxiety begins to rise as I think about the difficulty of cleaning it out or having to move it.  I will use this as my motivation to rid myself of my own anxious inducing mountain.

This brings me to one of my most annoying personal characteristics... procrastination.  I have had this issue for as long as I remember.  It appears to be a trait that shows itself when I am alone.  When others are near, I am all about doing.  I like to help, contribute, even encourage any number of duties and projects.  But put me in the same situation when it is just me, and I can find all manner of different ways to put off doing the exact same things.  This doesn't happen all the time, but it is something I need to fight off more than I would like.  I am hoping that with all the changes in my life over the past 1-1/2 years that I will be able to alter my brain to mostly rid me of this very annoying flaw. (I write this as I sit in a coffee shop procrastinating the day's activities)

It's always nice to end musings on a positive note (ha!).  I am not exactly sure my motivation, but I have decided to try to learn to play the banjo.  I have never really taken to the guitar although I do like to play a little.  I somehow came up with this idea and then actually followed through with purchasing one.  Now I simply have to stick with the practicing to allow me to make some form of music.  Part of this will be to figure out a routine that will work with my current living arrangement and work schedule.  I know creating some structure will not only give me a better chance at accomplishing the banjo, but will also allow me to settle more comfortably into my new life.